Recently, I noticed something funny on orkut. In the ‘Personal profile’ section, there is a tab to specify one’s smoking and drinking habits. I was baffled to see five choices under here; I mean - one either has that habit or not and there is nothing good or bad about it. There is no in-between.

Anyhow, so I saw that there is an option called ‘Socially’ for specifying these habits. Why would one state that they drink ‘socially’? It is almost as if one is ashamed to admit that they consume alcohol but only at social gatherings.

But then, I think that this option is a must, especially for the God-fearing (not God-loving) Indians. Like that shy, naive 'bahu' who never appears without covering her head before elders but gorges on chicken tikka on 'allowed days only huh', after their more hedonistic hubbies.

I have seen people who really follow that habit of drinking ‘at social functions only’. People who cannot say ‘no’ and would do really funny things to down that glass of wine as if it were medicine but show that they are enjoying it a lot.

Many years back, my colleagues and I had gone to ‘Cliff House’, a chic restaurant situated above the rocky Pacific coast and featuring a cocktail lounge and jazz evenings. We headed to the cocktail lounge and everyone ordered drinks (and I water). In our group were two Indian guys who seemed really hesitant to drink but could not refuse (hey, after all it was free dinner and drinks on the company’s tab, not to mention the gregarious Americans they were with)!

These guys found an ingenious way to overcome their averseness to liquor. Glancing around surreptitiously to see if anyone were looking, they took a good deal of packets of sugar/sweet-n-low and emptied them into their wine glasses! That way, it would not be so difficult to drink with a straight face and at the same time look cool enough to be part of the crowd. Well, my understanding is sugar is added to wine during the fermenting process, but the intent here was only to make it more palatable.

After a good hour or so (and I consuming about five tall glasses of iced water!), we decided to head to our table for the entrees. On the way back, a few joked about those guys and the sugar deal. While the connoisseurs were swirling the wine in their glasses and savouring it, these two looked uneasy and even slightly queasy about drinking. I felt bad for them, because they truly seemed the innocent-eager-to-ape-more kind. It would have been better if they had owned up that they were not comfortable with drinking (which proved to be true later, after they seemed to be almost out of control and blabbering, on the way back)!

Then there is this girl I know, who married an NRI and eager to prove her open-mindedness, adapted a fake American accent. Some months later in some photos she sent, I saw one of her, looking clearly stupefied, champagne flute in hand and seductive look on the face, apparently to appear chic or God-knows-what. Why and how do people change so quickly? Maybe this girl was from a conservative household and found the new lifestyle addictive and overwhelming. Anyhow, some things really baffle me. Could be love for which people change, you know, someone gently reminds me. Hmm……best not to love than to love without the freedom of being what one wants to be, me thinks.

My aversion to hard drinks started very early. At an extended family party, I too wanted to taste the frothy, tawny beer. I got a little in a glass. One sip and I found it extremely bitter and pungent. It tasted so much worse than the cough syrup or tablets that these elders make such a fuss about taking! Sometimes I just cannot understand the so-called adults who indulge in something outright stupid and then defend it by stating that they enjoy it!

In the previous place I worked at, we had this custom of exchanging gifts for Christmas. Wine and champagne bottles were commonly given for gifts. I was the odd one out, so my colleagues would always give me gifts like soft toys, cookies, cakes, beanie babies and houseplants. "You seem so much a Puritan", one of them grumbled. "I am I. That is all!" I said, content that I was not one of those drinking wine with sugar added separately! LOL....

My method of being myself has not necessarily always worked for me. But no one really appreciates fakes, especially when the mask gets removed unwittingly and the truth becomes too ugly to digest. It takes courage to say no when the rest of the herd is saying yes. Oh, and another observation - the fakes usually move and attack in herds of their own and when a fake attacks the forthright for faking, entertainment cannot get funnier than that! Anyhow, more about real 'ugliness', in a later blog. Meanwhile, let the brickbats ensue!